The Fear of Being Seen

The fear of being seen, of taking up space in the world, comes up often in my work with clients navigating eating disorder recovery.

For some, being in a smaller body feels like taking up less space, being less visible, being safer. For others, the opposite is true: a larger body becomes a way to disappear, to create layers of protection between themselves and the world.

When the nervous system is stuck in a chronic state of stress, visibility and connection don’t feel safe - sometimes they don’t even feel possible.

To understand an eating disorder and the job it learned to do, we first have to understand how it has helped you feel safe.

And, all of this unfolds within a culture steeped in diet mentality. There’s rarely one single catalyst for an eating disorder, though certain experiences absolutely increase vulnerability. What often happens is this: we feel insecure or unsafe, and we’re bombarded with messages that the “solution” is to change our body, control our food, and control ourselves. The brain puts two and two together, and the eating disorder steps in to take on the role of safety, security, control, invisibility, confidence. It tries to meet our need.

And this fear of being seen isn’t unique to people with eating disorders. It can show up anywhere: staying quiet in meetings, avoiding being online, hesitating to share your ideas, keeping your real self tucked away.

So ask yourself:
Does the fear of being seen show up for you- in your body, your work, your relationships, or your visibility online?

If so, the work often includes:
Regulating your nervous system so your body can shift into a ventral vagal state where connection feels possible, and being seen can coexist with feeling safe.

Exploring the beliefs you hold about visibility - where they came from, what they’ve protected you from - and rewriting the story so it supports your growth.

Practicing gentle, graded exposure to being seen. In recovery, this might look like wearing shorts for an hour when you would normally hide your body, speaking up in a group session, or sharing a small piece of your story with someone you trust.

A common fear-based belief is:
“If people see me, they’ll judge me.”
A supportive reframe might be:
“If people see me, they can connect with me.”

How does the fear of being seen show up in your life?